Why does fairness matter?

Very often the word fair comes up as part of a complaint: "this isn't fair; that isn't fair."  We've become obsessed with measuring everything on a yardstick of how fair it is.

Certainly fairness comes into play when dealing with the concept of justice.  We expect our laws to be fair, our public servants to be fair and our judges to be fair.  Presumably, precise equality is a standard to be reached.  Does everyone get their fair share?  Is everyone treated the same?

Many people recommend the fair way to cut a cookie in half:  One person gets to make the cut and the other person gets to choose.  The person making the cut has the incentive to make the cut as even as possible, knowing that the other person will carefully pick the larger piece for himself.  We can imagine the one with the knife trying to precisely estimate the exact 50/50 cut knowing that the smaller piece will inevitably be his.  The person who will choose -- can we say the opponent? -- studies the two pieces carefully, making sure that he benefits even if it by a single crumb.  What if the cookie is divided 51/49, but the smaller piece has more chocolate chips (yes, the only cookies worth having are loaded with chocolate)?  Each adversary is very careful to protect their own interests in name of fairness and equality.

Some would suppose that fairness should be enshrined as the 13th point of the Scout Law.  "A Scout is Fair."  And yet it isn't.  Why not?  Why do we not hold up being fair as a Scouting value?

I hesitate to bring in the cliche that "life isn't fair."  Yes, we know that there are winners and losers.  Some people get to start the marathon at the 25 mile mark and others are saddled with a bad knees and untied shoelaces. One camping trip will be canceled by a thunderstorm and another will have 75 degree weather and no mosquitoes.  Life isn't fair and neither is nature, chance, breeding or geography.  But that has no bearing on us as people.  It is the case of free will -- which presumably nature has none -- that we can strive to be fair.

Certainly, we would ask Scout leaders (both adults and youth) to be fair in their decisions and in their judgment.  We don't expect a scoutmaster to play favorites, and a patrol would quickly unravel if the patrol leader didn't make an effort to give each member equal opportunities.  A leader must act with an eye on fairness and equanimity.

So, again, is a scout fair?  Yes.  A scout is fair, but not for his own sake.  An insistence of fairness, however, is not consistent with Scouting values.  When we seek fairness we overlook the call to be kind.  In being kind, we put the feelings of others ahead of our own.  We take an opportunity to care how the other person feels.  We hope that the interaction that we have with another person leaves them feeling good about themselves.  That is the essence of kindness.

So let's go back to the cookie.  If you were to divide a cookie between yourself and a child, would you be concerned about making it as even as possible?  Would that be the moral, ethical and kind thing to do?  How would that make the child feel?  What would that teach the child about appropriate behavior?  You might still cut and let the child choose, but it would be out of a spirit of graciousness and not fairness?  Can we imagine a husband and wife cutting the cookie?  In what we might call an ideal marriage, one would cut the cookie ... perhaps intentionally uneven ... and give the larger piece to the spouse, who would in turn argue over taking the smaller piece.  Or perhaps, one spouse (the husband?) gives the entire cookie to his partner, and then is offered a bite in return.  When we put the interests of another ahead of our own in the spirit of charity, we are kind.

In the Old Testament, Solomon threatens to divide a baby evenly among two mothers who claim it.  The kind woman -- the true mother -- gives up her claim in order to spare the child.  We hear this story and marvel at Solomon's wisdom, but the true marvel is the how a mother's sacrifice triumphs over fairness and justice.  The message may be that fairness is not the ultimate model for ethical behavior but simply the best compromise when no one chooses to act out of kindness -- and charity.

And for my Christian readers, let's remember that Jesus replaced the doctrine of "an eye for an eye" with "turn the other cheek."  The eye-for-an-eye doctrine is held up as a model for justice, but in the New Testament we're taught that when someone asks for our coat (cloak, actually), that we should offer our shirt as well (er, tunic).

So when in the modern world should be kind when others insist on being fair?  Letting someone go before us in line at the supermarket when they're in a hurry.  Not rushing to the buffet line at a party.  Holding a meeting where it is more convenient for someone else, instead of insisting on home turf.  Sometimes it can be as simple as accepting an apology when we've been wronged and not insisting on compensatory relief.

Being fair is not a bad thing, but it is all about giving exactly the same amount as we receive.  Being kind, means being willing to give all expecting nothing in return, or at least being willing to give up 51 percent of the cookie.